yogsecrets:
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(After receiving countless messages from people I struggled to help and seeing various posts like this on Tumblr and such, I couldn’t stand back and not take action on behalf of everyone who is suffering for whatever reason. So, whoever you are, please read this message in its entirety. While it starts as a response for the above image, this is for all of you.)
I never said it was easy. At no point would I ever describe it as easy. But I would also never say it was impossible. I don’t know the full extent of your, or anyone else’s, problems, nor do I need to know, that is something personal to you. Everyone has different reasons for their suffering, all are valid. But I do know the full extent of my problems. I know my reasons, I know my scars.
The pressure that reading a comment like this puts on me is almost unfathomable, the idea that I’m somehow making someone feel worse about their anxiety rather than better, that goes against the very foundations of what I strive for. Knowing that I have made someone cry, made them somehow feel inadequate, worthless. That is hard to read.
So, I am conducting this reply in the best possible way I can think of. I need you to know that no matter how dark you feel right now, no matter what you’ve gone through, are going through, or think you might go through, no matter how hard it gets, how much you feel like giving up; I need you to know that I have been exactly where you are. I have been very very close to a final step. Something that would have silenced me forever and not allow me to even write this reply. I would have, rather painfully ironically, never been in a position to even have these comments pointed towards me and thus written this reply. It is fucking difficult to get out of that. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Easy is definitely not a word I would use for that. But it is not impossible. I am writing this for you today, whoever you are, all of you, because I need you to know that it’s not impossible.
I’m not going to pretend that you can magic it away and lift yourself out of it effortlessly, that you’ll wake up one day and it will all be gone, but it does need to come from you. No-one and nothing else can offer that final push for recovery. You can see countless doctors, have countless therapy sessions, take countless pills, go through countless hospitals, but at the end of the day the only one who can actually change anything is you. You have that strength inside of you, everyone does, no matter how low you have reached, the very basic instinct of a human is to keep on surviving. YOU can get through this. YOU can make a difference. YOU can beat it.
It is not easy. I keep saying this but it really is not easy. It has been 3 years since my darkest moment, yet somehow I am still here. Every day is still incredibly difficult for me, every waking moment, any time the doorbell rings, the phone sounds, my mother knocks on my bedroom door, anything can make the tears start again. But I’m in a better position now, I have a reason to put up with all of that.
It’s all so very difficult, but I have people now who actually need me. I’m making a positive difference to the world and that is something that in my darkest moment I would have never ever thought possible. So maybe it’s hard for you to believe it too. I get that. But I promise you, no matter how difficult it gets, no matter how low you get, I promise you, if you keep on fighting, keep on fighting like you’ve never fought before, even if it’s only for one tiny thing, one tiny seemingly insignificant thing like needing to look after a pet, or being on a sports team, or making videos for youtube, if you can find something or someone in your life that keeps you going, and you will, it will be the very first small step to something much bigger.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
- Lao-tzu
I still have to see therapists, I still have to take medication, I’m never going to be ‘cured’. But I am better. 3 days ago I answered a phone call from my girlfriend. I am crying just thinking about how difficult it was. (I answered the phone! I have a girlfriend! What the heck!?) But I did it. You can do whatever is holding you back too. Even if it’s not tomorrow. Even if it’s not this year. Slowly, but surely, it will get more manageable. Now, it’s likely to never completely go away, it will probably always be there, and you may always have to see those scars when you wake up every morning, but it WILL get better. If you let it.
I am ever so truly sorry for any distress I have caused you, I promise you it was only my very best effort to try to help you. It was only me seeing the beauty and the talent that is in all of your minds. The wonder and the imagination, the skill, the strength, the love. Each and every one of you is an amazing individual. When I type things like ‘you’re awesome’ or when I call you ‘good lookins’, that isn’t me just being frivolous, that is me being determined to help you all realize just how amazing you ALL are. You might be thinking that I don’t even know you, I’ve never interacted with you. I’ve never met countless actors or musicians, yet I can still see their talent. I can say without a single mote of doubt that each and every one of you has someone amazing inside of you, just waiting to break out. Please, no matter how dark it gets, realize that there is always a light, no matter how distant or faint.
Talk to someone, maybe you can talk to your parents or maybe that’s not a good idea for you, in which case talk to your friends, or talk to a professional. There are countless free phone-lines offering support, and many even offer e-mail service now, if you’re not good at phones like me. There is always a way. Do not be afraid of medication, it will not change you, only you can do that, it will simply allow your brain to be more receptive to changing for the better. It’s not ‘wrong’ or ‘weird’ to need help, or to need medication. This part’s kind of cliché but it’s true, if you had a broken leg you wouldn’t refuse treatment. Mental health issues are no different, they’re just not as immediately visible. You are strong, you want to change, you want to improve, you just don’t know how, I get that. I cannot provide all the answers but I hope that this has somehow, even in a small way, helped you. I’ve been there, I’m still there, it DOES get better. But you have to let it.
I am Zoey Proasheck, and I suffer from major depression and social anxiety, I have previously self-harmed and I have had a stay in hospital. I do not self-harm any more but I still have the scars. I would give anything to not have those scars. I take medication for my depression and anxiety, and I see a doctor for therapy sessions weekly. It was difficult to get to where I am today. It’s still notably tough. But I have improved, I am better, even if sometimes I don’t want to admit it. I have a life now, the things I do, the things I’ve achieved, the people I’ve met, this is all stuff I wouldn’t have dreamed of just a few years ago. My point, the only point that’s ever mattered to me, the point of this message, is that you, reading this, whoever you are, whatever you face, you are strong. It can get better. It will get better. I don’t know how long it will take, I don’t have all the answers, but I know that every single one of you has some part inside of you that doesn’t want to give up. Dreams can become reality. You are amazing, you are beautiful, you are talented, you are awesome. I love you.
Stay strong.
fabulous people
